Three hundred and sixty-five days ago, millions of people felt a growing
sense of -- I was going to write “relief,” but it might have been
“disappointment” -- when the world didn't end on Fake Mayan Prophecy Day. Social
media users around the world greeted the non-event with the kind of viral
mockery everyone loves these days, so long as it’s someone else’s beliefs being
mocked.
Such scares, however, can be serious business; a few weeks before the
predicted end of the world, Britain’s Telegraph newspaper reported that
“panic buying of candles and essentials has been reported in China and Russia,
along with an explosion in sales of survival shelters in America. In France
believers were preparing to converge on a mountain where they believe aliens
will rescue them.”
China might seem a strange place for the apocalypse idea to crop up, but the
Telegraph said that “In China … a wave of paranoia about the apocalypse can be
traced to the 2009 Hollywood blockbuster ‘2012.’
The film … was a smash hit in China, as viewers were seduced by a plot that saw
the Chinese military building arks to save humanity.”
That $200 million steaming pile of callous manipulation, I suspect, did a great
deal to boost the 2012 myth from New Age circles into the mainstream. As I wrote a couple of years ago, we might be able to
forgive filmmakers for creating an overpriced package of ridiculous escapism
like The Core or Volcano. Unlike those films, however, and like the fundamentalist Left Behind series, the film implied
their fictional work presaged actual and imminent tragedies.
The filmmakers also dropped the “Rapture” name for extra points among the
mega-church crowd, both in the script and in the cruel advertising line, “Will
You Be Left Behind?” The difference is that the Left Behind authors seem to truly believe their dubious theology,
whereas the filmmakers seemed to be exploiting the genuine fears of real people
to make some quick cash.
Even if only one person in ten thousand takes them seriously, scares like the
2012 fakery can cost real people their lives. David Morrison, an astronomer at
NASA, told the Telegraph that “at least once a week I get a message from a
young person, as young as 11, who says they are ill and/or contemplating
suicide because of the coming doomsday. I think it’s evil for people to
propagate rumours on the internet to frighten children.”
Apocalyptic scares have cropped up throughout history, and no one has written a
more readable overview of them than John Michael Greer. His drily funny book Apocalypse Not: Everything You Know About
2012, Nostradamus and the Rapture is Wrong probably saw sales fall off
after Nothing Happened Day, but should still be read as immunisation against
the next one.
One area Greer could have explored more, perhaps, was “Why Mayans?” Why not
prophecies from Norwegians, or Saudis, or any other group? The answer seems to
be twofold; first, it’s easier to project any beliefs or ideology you like on a
now-extinct group that can’t protest. There are some descendants of the Mayans
left, who have rightly objected to their pop-culture co-opting, but poor
Third-Worlders do not generally have the media influence of California New Age
gurus.
The other reason has to do with the exalted place Native Americans hold in
popular culture. Of course Native Americans were the victims of the greatest
human genocide in history, and even into the mid-20th century were
portrayed in popular fiction as villainous savages. The response of the Sixties
counterculture, though, was insulting in a different direction, projecting onto
Native tribes whatever ancient wisdom they wanted to hear. This was done mainly
through the use of Italians and other Europeans pretending to be Natives,
making up New Age teachings and passing them off as authentic.
As John Miller wrote in the National Review, “Between 1960 and 2000, the
number of Americans claiming Indian ancestry on their census forms jumped by a
factor of six. Neither birth-rates nor counting methodologies can account for
this explosive growth. Instead, the phenomenon arises in large part from the
increasingly idealistic place Indians occupy in the popular imagination. Much
of it is based on harmless sentiment mixed into a hash of unverifiable family
legends and wishful thinking among folks who hang dream-catchers from their
rear-view mirrors. But for a distinct subset, it’s all about personal profit.
They’re professional imposters who have built entire careers by putting the
sham into shaman.”
In some cases people just claim to be Native when they are not: author and
provocateur Ward Churchill, actor “Iron Eyes” Cody, and many others. In others
Europeans claim special insight into Native culture: Carlos Castaneda, for
example, wrote his entire Don Juan series with supposed interviews based on a
reclusive Yaqui Indian no one else ever met, while Lynn Andrews did something
similar with her Medicine Woman series. The Celestine Prophecy, Mutant
Message from Down Under -- for a while it seemed every year brought more
books from dead or remote peoples, offering life-coaching for upscale
Westerners.
Some of these teachings are useful in their own right; Canadian ecologist “Grey
Owl” married into Native American communities and wrote beautifully about protecting
wilderness, even if he was originally an Englishman named Archie Blayney. “The
Education of Little Tree” is a lovely story, even if it turned out to be
fiction written by a white segregationist.
Decades of such romanticising, though, means that followers of the Sixties
counterculture treat Native teachings with a special reverence – even fake
ones, and they usually are. I know a number of people who sneered at Harold
Camping’s numerous Rapture predictions who seemed to take the Mayan claims
seriously – at least, as seriously as anyone takes anything these days,
forwarding memes while filtering any convictions through layers of post-hip
meta-irony.
The 2012 books I leafed through also yanked science-sounding terms into the
discussion whenever possible, describing a “quantum leap” forward in human
“evolutionary levels.” Basically, it’s the same technique used by the religious
cult “scientology,” stealing bits of words from actual scientific research and
using them to imbue their vague hokum with a bogus legitimacy.
Many people I talk to seem unconcerned with doomsday crazes, considering them
throwbacks to an earlier age of superstition, which will die out eventually.
It’s been a standard line of science and science fiction for a hundred years,
recited in everything from H.G. Wells’ Things to Come to the Star
Trek series, that technology would allow humans to outgrow primitive ideas.
Instead, however, the opposite has happened -- as people spent more of their
hours staring at electronic media, they became more susceptible to
superstition, for several reasons.
First of all, news and fake news travel instantly around the world, and are
increasingly difficult to escape. A year ago today, I was listening to
neighbours talk about the alleged Mayan prophecy … at our local pub in rural
Ireland. Locals would have been sitting at the same pub fifty or a hundred
years ago -- several apocalypse scares ago -- but would not have easily known
about them; until a few decades ago, few places in Ireland had electricity or
modern media. Today, though, people here hear the same celebrity gossip, and
watch the same blockbusters and visit some of the same internet sites as people
everywhere. Instead of a dubious notion having to infect a critical mass of
people in a town before spreading to the next town, a con or conspiracy theory
can appear everywhere in the world – to a teenager in Saskatchewan, an old lady
in Turkmenistan and an Irish farmer – simultaneously.
The modern world has made us more susceptible to superstition in other ways;
when we spend most of our time staring at glowing rectangles rather than living
in the real world, it becomes easy to become isolated, paranoid, or trapped in
a misinformed bubble of like-minded people. Also, when we spend most of our
time moving pixels on a screen for a paycheque, it becomes all the easier to
fantasise about fighting zombies or some other more hands-on existence.
Finally, the very nature of our online lives means that information flits in
and out of our minds quickly, leading us to forget, only a year later, that
there were millions of people who genuinely thought the world would end. It
leaves us singularly unprepared for the next fake Apocalypse, whose rumours are
already circulating somewhere.
You might think that people are right to be alarmed, even if it takes a fake
Mayan thing to alarm them. Between fossil fuels and climate change, an
increasingly fragile economy and a disintegrating culture, humanity faces all
kinds of problems. I’ve been writing about them for years; is it hypocritical
of me, you might ask, to criticise someone else’s doomsday theory?
But here’s the thing: peak oil was never the apocalypse. When the theory of
peak oil was revived around the turn of the millennium, some well-intentioned
and otherwise beneficial thinkers saw in it the doomsday they had been waiting
for. Ten years ago, however, when I wrote my first magazine cover story on peak
oil, I said that we “won’t wake up Amish one day,” and when conventional oil
peaked a few years ago, we didn’t. Rather, the promising peak oil movement
dissipated somewhat after that, perhaps because the countdown had ended and the
world had not collapsed. Framing peak oil as the apocalypse harmed the
movement’s credibility, and undermined the very useful contributions of
volunteers in local communities around the world.
Climate change is also not the apocalypse, in that sense. Almost all scientists agree that
humans are causing climate change at a geologically alarming pace, but on a
human scale the change is slow and scattershot enough to leave many
non-scientists unconvinced. Even when events do happen – this or that city
being devastated, a record-breaking summer, droughts and floods like no one has
ever seen – no one can prove that climate change caused it, and with our short
modern memories we quickly move on. Claiming that “we have only ten years left”
to stop climate change, as some activists have done for decades, only
discredits climate science in the eyes of the public when, ten years later, the
changes have been small or quickly forgotten.
None of these crises in our culture, our economy, or in the living world
constitute the Apocalypse of John of Patmos, or any of the rest of the
Antilegomena. They are not the Big One people have been waiting for, and people
need to stop waiting. None of them will wipe out everyone you don’t like, and
leave them sorry they doubted you. None of them will eliminate all those other
humans standing in front of you in the grocery queue, leaving you with all
their stuff.
I do expect a great many crises in the years to come – more weather
disasters, economic crashes, wars and rumours of wars. I expect that actions
that were once considered unspeakable might become commonplace, just as actions
fifty or a hundred years ago are unthinkable to us, and vice versa. Preparing
for such long-term events, though, means working with others, making your
little corner of the world more resilient in the face of change, and adhering
to a consistent set of principles even when the culture shifts tectonically
under your feet. It means changing your life in a thousand small and tangible
ways.
At some point, of course, the world will end – for you. That sobering
realisation – in Greek, Apocalypsi,
or Revelation – is what most apocalyptic scriptures are really about; the
commonly cited passages about the end of the world take on a very different
meaning when you posit that they are not talking about a universal end, but a
personal one. That’s what most religions are about: When done rightly, they
help you spend your remaining years meaningfully, to think of others before
yourself, to set an example the world can see, and to bring you closer to God.
Doomsday thinking, as in the Mayan 2012 belief, does the opposite. It
encourages people to retreat into a bubble of believers. It discourages people
from making small improvements, when everything is about to be swept away. It makes
people passive in the face of predestination. It tells people that God will
come to them, and they don’t need to do anything.
Saturday, 21 December 2013
Thursday, 19 December 2013
Friday, 6 December 2013
Published at Mother Earth News
The venerable Mother Earth News has just published my first article, "How Not to Keep Chickens." Unlike Grit, Resilience or some other publications, they have requested that I not duplicate the article here except for an excerpt, like this:
... and go read the rest here.
"You
might think your chickens might see you as dogs do, as a god who strides among
them tossing manna. You would be mistaken: chickens don’t think you are the
same person who wore that different shirt yesterday. Chickens don’t think that
your moving parts are part of a single life-form. Let’s be honest, chickens
don’t think. What I’m getting at here is: don’t walk into a chicken run
barefoot, or the birds will see your toes and give you what we in the business
call 'the full Hitchcock.'"
... and go read the rest here.
Saturday, 16 November 2013
How to cope with total failure
Self-sufficiency writers have multiplied into a cottage industry, filling whole wings of the bookstore with tips on how to garden, cook, preserve food, learn traditional crafts and build community. Such sales imply an encouraging demand; millions of people really do want to learn this. I fear that many such books, however, inadvertently discourage readers with a passing interest and a full schedule.
Take, for example, cookbooks.
A few decades ago a bookstore might carry a few cookbooks that everyone used; now they take up vast areas of shelf space, and whole television channels are devoted solely to cooking shows, yet people eat more fast food and pre-packaged food than ever.
The two trends are not necessarily contradictions; cookbooks are consumer products, and must distinguish themselves from their competitors by having twists, gimmicks, by getting more exotic and ambitious, and showing page after page of sculptures, science experiments and food porn that few of us could reasonably reproduce in our own kitchens, and driving the amateur away from getting started. My meals, by contrast, last a few minutes from garden to pan, and while they won’t win any awards, they don’t have to: they’re healthy, quick, free and I like them.
Most of all, though, most self-sufficiency books don’t prepare the reader for failure. Try learning how to do things at home – make jam and cheese, weave a basket, build a shed or keep chickens – and you fall on your face many times before succeeding, and after succeeding you’ll probably fail a few more times. Many failures, though, can still become something else, if you’re creative.
Take, for example, the wine from our parsnips almost two years ago. All my flower wines have turned out well – elderflower, meadowsweet, cowslip and dandelion. But these were my first vegetable wines, and when I uncorked them a year later, they tasted awful. Another year has not improved them, so Plan B has been to turn them into vinegar.
I purchased some unpasteurised vinegar from a special store in Dublin – which should still have the vinegar-creating bacteria in it -- and am mixing them together and letting them set. They’re well on their way to becoming something strange-smelling, and if it’s not vinegar, I’ve run out of plans.
Failure Number Two was the home-made cheese. All the books that claim that cheese-making is dead simple are, it turns out, correct; getting the right kind of cheese turned out to be the difficult part. My first batch of attempted cheddar became a very nice Parmesan, while the next turned into a reasonably good feta.
Failure Number Three was my compost jelly from last weekend. Compost jelly uses fruit parts we might throw away, as well as this season’s surplus of fruit that might rot on the ground, and lets us preserve the vitamins through the winter, longer than fruit would last. I took the fallen apples from the ground, as well as bowls of berries off the hedgerow and whatever rinds we were going to throw away. The flesh of the apples I pickled, so they will keep without refrigeration for the next several months.
The rest of the fruit parts were boiled for 45 minutes or so, and then strained. I put the right amount of sugar into the strained liquid, and boiled it for the right amount of time to turn it into jelly. Nothing happened. Instead of turning into a nice spreadable consistency, it stayed basically fruit juice. I boiled it for twice as long, then twice as long again, and nothing – pure juice.
Finally, I consulted a friend, who came up with a Plan B. “Boil it for an hour straight,” she said. I did so, and when I had poured the results into a jar, it hardened into … candy. Almost as hard as a lemon drop, only in one giant jar-shaped block. Inside a jar.
Plan C was pouring boiling water over it and chipping away at it, until it dissolved in liquid again … back to being juice. After much heating and stirring, I finally got the concoction to the right jelly consistency. The good news is that such difficult experiments often taste brilliant in the end, perhaps because you’re so relieved to finally be done.
Top photo: Various wines, some of which worked.
Second photo: apples from our trees, which became pickles and jelly.
Third photo: Jelly that barely let a knife through.
Fourth photo: The final product.
A few decades ago a bookstore might carry a few cookbooks that everyone used; now they take up vast areas of shelf space, and whole television channels are devoted solely to cooking shows, yet people eat more fast food and pre-packaged food than ever.
The two trends are not necessarily contradictions; cookbooks are consumer products, and must distinguish themselves from their competitors by having twists, gimmicks, by getting more exotic and ambitious, and showing page after page of sculptures, science experiments and food porn that few of us could reasonably reproduce in our own kitchens, and driving the amateur away from getting started. My meals, by contrast, last a few minutes from garden to pan, and while they won’t win any awards, they don’t have to: they’re healthy, quick, free and I like them.
Take, for example, the wine from our parsnips almost two years ago. All my flower wines have turned out well – elderflower, meadowsweet, cowslip and dandelion. But these were my first vegetable wines, and when I uncorked them a year later, they tasted awful. Another year has not improved them, so Plan B has been to turn them into vinegar.
I purchased some unpasteurised vinegar from a special store in Dublin – which should still have the vinegar-creating bacteria in it -- and am mixing them together and letting them set. They’re well on their way to becoming something strange-smelling, and if it’s not vinegar, I’ve run out of plans.
Failure Number Two was the home-made cheese. All the books that claim that cheese-making is dead simple are, it turns out, correct; getting the right kind of cheese turned out to be the difficult part. My first batch of attempted cheddar became a very nice Parmesan, while the next turned into a reasonably good feta.
The rest of the fruit parts were boiled for 45 minutes or so, and then strained. I put the right amount of sugar into the strained liquid, and boiled it for the right amount of time to turn it into jelly. Nothing happened. Instead of turning into a nice spreadable consistency, it stayed basically fruit juice. I boiled it for twice as long, then twice as long again, and nothing – pure juice.
Finally, I consulted a friend, who came up with a Plan B. “Boil it for an hour straight,” she said. I did so, and when I had poured the results into a jar, it hardened into … candy. Almost as hard as a lemon drop, only in one giant jar-shaped block. Inside a jar.
Top photo: Various wines, some of which worked.
Second photo: apples from our trees, which became pickles and jelly.
Third photo: Jelly that barely let a knife through.
Fourth photo: The final product.
Tuesday, 5 November 2013
More Good News
As of this month, I will also be writing for Mother Earth News; I'll let you know when the first articles appear.
Sunday, 27 October 2013
Savoury squash
Savoury
squash: On the rare occasions that people here cook
squash, they usually accentuate its already sweet flesh into a dessert.
Personally, I find that to be going too far, and prefer to offset the sweetness
with other notes – tart, spicy and especially savoury. This baked dish combines
all of these.
Ingredients:
200g butternut squash, peeled and diced
200g onions
1 clove garlic, finely grated
30g gruyere cheese
2 eggs
10g chopped parsley
10 ml vegetable stock
10 ml lemon juice
10 ml Dijon mustard
1 dash cayenne pepper
Peel the butternut squash, and scoop out
the seeds in the middle. Dice the remaining flesh into squares about a
centimeter across. Place a pat of butter and a teaspoon of oil in a pan and
sautee the remaining squash flesh for 10 minutes. Add the onions and sautee 10
more minutes, and add some garlic a minute before the end.
In a bowl, mix the lemon juice, the
vegetable stock, the mustard, the cayenne, the parsley and the eggs. Turn off
the stove and transfer the squash-onion mix into a small baking dish, and mix
in everything from the bowl. Shred the gruyere cheese and sprinkle it over the
top.
Bake it in the oven at 200 degrees
Centigrade for 20 minutes, or until done.
Thursday, 24 October 2013
Friday, 11 October 2013
Autumn salads
If spring is
the time to make salads of linden leaves, dandelions, hawthorn shoots,
lettuces, sorrel and all the other new shoots, then autumn presents an ideal
time to make salads out of the roots, tubers and hardy greens that are coming
to fruition around now.
For some
reason, “salad” in the modern Anglo world has come to mean iceberg lettuce, one
of the few vegetables with almost no taste or nutritional value; it’s no wonder
that so many people think of eating fresh vegetables as they would going to the
dentist.
Many people,
when they look at the root vegetables swelling to an impressive size this
month, think of the usual roasted vegetables or soups. If you are looking for
another way to cook them, however, or think you dislike a certain vegetable,
try it as a salad and see if you can’t make it into something entirely new.
Carrot – beet salad
My brothers and I grew up convinced we hated beetroot, knowing it only as boiled
red lumps. When we started growing our own, however, we began experimenting
with salad recipes, and found it like a whole new vegetable.
3 large
carrots
2 red beets
2 apples
1 tablespoon
salt
1 tablespoon
lemon juice
1 tablespoon
apple cider vinegar
4
tablespoons olive oil
¼ cup of
chives
¼ cup other garden
herbs, like dill, burnet and sorrel.
Shred
carrots, beets and apples. Chop scallions. Finely chop garden herbs.
Combine
vinegar and oil in a large bowl, whip into a vinaigrette sauce, stir in the
herbs, then slowly mix all other ingredients into it. Let stand for an hour. If
you want something more Oriental, you can add soy sauce, ginger and sesame oil.
Potato salad
I used to
think of potato salad as an oppressively heavy dish, but with salad potatoes,
apples, celery and herbs, and with yogurt substituting for most of the
mayonnaise, it can be made surprisingly light.
1 kg salad
potatoes
4 eggs
4 apples
300g celery
Fresh salad
herbs – dill, borage, chives, sorrel
Green onions
1 cup
mayonnaise
1 cup yogurt
1 tsp salt
and ½ tsp pepper
Boil
potatoes till tender, peel and slice as hot as you can manage. Slice eggs and
celery, and dice apples. Chop any fresh herbs you have plus 3-4 green onions.
Mix salad sauce and add to warm potatoes, and toss gently. Leave to cool and
adjust seasoning.
Tomato salad
We’ve had a
brilliant year for tomatoes, and some of us are just getting the last ones out
now. If you have some that never turned green, don’t throw them out – fried
green tomatoes are a delicacy in the southern USA.
8 large tomatoes
– diced
1 medium
onion (finely chopped)
1 small
garlic clove (finely shredded)
Salt and
pepper
1 tsp sugar
1 cup parsley
(chopped)
1 ½ tbsp.
lemon juice
3 tbsp olive
oil or rapeseed oil
Chop onions
and garlic. Mix other vinaigrette, ingredients, adjust seasoning. Add tomatoes.
The
following are some of the recipes our family uses; of course, you can
experiment and see what suits your taste.
Thursday, 3 October 2013
Published at Grit
More good news: my piece on global food waste has been published at Grit Magazine:
"Several years ago a study found that up to a third of all food sold was thrown away uneaten – inexcusable in a country where farmers struggle and children go hungry. That country was the United Kingdom, which has a generally good record of conserving its resources, so pundits wondered what a global study would find.
Such a study was released earlier this year – by the Institution for Mechanical Engineers, somewhat surprisingly – and looked at impoverished Third-World nations as well as the prosperous West. Unfortunately, their findings revised the figure … upwards."
"Several years ago a study found that up to a third of all food sold was thrown away uneaten – inexcusable in a country where farmers struggle and children go hungry. That country was the United Kingdom, which has a generally good record of conserving its resources, so pundits wondered what a global study would find.
Such a study was released earlier this year – by the Institution for Mechanical Engineers, somewhat surprisingly – and looked at impoverished Third-World nations as well as the prosperous West. Unfortunately, their findings revised the figure … upwards."
Tuesday, 1 October 2013
End of summer
After years without a proper summer, Ireland finally saw months of warm weather and sunshine; even into September we were wearing shorts. The weather finally broke today, with torrents of cold rain falling around our house in the encroaching darkness, but we had a full season to remember and sustain us.
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